I’ve been using dating apps for months, hoping to find someone I could really spend my life with.
At first it was exciting, refreshing, and even had a sense of cheating, but then I realized it’s a total fucking trap.
Met a few girls, nothing worked out. Every date feels like a business meeting or something, no sparks, pure cringe. Every conversation feels like a rerun of the same script, me telling the same story again and again. After a while it starts to feel empty and I just can’t do anything about it.
Sometimes I think about quitting, but then I remember all the time I’ve put into this, and I just keep swiping, swiping and swiping, and nothing.
Maybe it’s because of that six-year relationship, I find myself pulling back a lot, avoiding getting a deeper connection with others, and of course others would read it as “he’s not interested”.
Or maybe I’m simply a coward.
And the fact is I don’t even think that a real relationship should start like this, to me, two people should at least become friends first. I can’t be the kind of guy who goes out for a meal or two and then jumps straight into bed, I don’t have that kind of courage, and the girls who expect that wouldn’t want me anyway.
I’m so fucking tired.